confused

 

I live a very happy-go-lucky life. I’m a very optimistic person who tries her best to find joy in each day. At the same time, I struggle with a lot of different issues; anxiety, self-esteem, unhealthy coping mechanisms, the list goes on. In order to “fix” the not so nice parts of myself, I read a lot of books + blogs + articles that have really helped me become a better person. My latest obsession, however, has been podcasts! I LOVE podcasts so much and I really didn’t think I would. It probably has to do with the fact that I’m such a multi-tasker and with wireless headphones, I can accomplish so much while learning at the same time. It’s hard to find time to read a book in the middle of a busy day, but I can listen to around 5 podcasts a day at work or in the car. Girlboss is my #1 favorite but I also love How I Built This, Oprah’s Super Soul Conversations, and The Skinny Confidential. If anyone has a recommendation I would love to check out some new ones.

I really want to be successful. Everyone has their own measure of success, and I don’t think I’ve quite figured out what success means to me. I know that I want to live in a white townhome with vines growing on the side. I want a cute little family who hosts game night often. I want to own my own company one day. I want people to know my name. I don’t want to ever worry about money. Forbes 30 under 30 sounds like a dream to me.

As I graduate college, my anxiety continues to magnify. I can’t cope with the end of this journey. I know it’s the beginning of a new adventure but I’m someone who resists change for change’s sake. I’ll miss the friends I’ve come to know as family, the campus that has become home and the little life I built for myself!!!!!!

BUT I think I always forget how young I am, and how much life I have to live (hopefully…). There is an entire world out there! So much to accomplish and conquer! BUT ALSO WHAT IS A GOOD FIRST STEP?! I get random creative bursts of energy and immediately want to start a new project. Today I was thinking about how fun it would be to start a youtube channel or a podcast channel. New projects give me a high, but after a while, they begin to feel like a chore. This blog was originally a creative outlet and now it’s become something I push to the bottom of my to-do list. The same goes for my food Instagram, or Etsy store. How do I spice things up @world? Also, is it a bad idea to be juggling so many things? Should I drop everything and focus on just one? If that’s the route how on earth could I choose what to keep? Should I favor quality or quantity? How do people stick to routines? Help.

I think what I need to remember is that I enjoy creating content. I love writing on this blog, and I forget that sometimes. There are so many influencers out there that post trash content because they’re only doing it to monetize and become “famous.” While it’d be awesome to have a large following I write on here for myself. When people message me that I helped them through a problem, my heart literally bursts with joy. I’ve always wanted to make an impact on someone else’s life. Hey, maybe that’s my new measure of success.

XX,

a very confused soul

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