coping

Today sucked. Ghosts from my past continue to haunt me, and I put too many eggs in one basket this last semester. I’m back home for the holidays and I finally have time to overthink my life away. I enjoyed this year because I truly didn’t have the time to be sad. My feelings were turned off, and I made sure to have my guard up so I wouldn’t get hurt. It was strictly work hard, play hard (not work hard, cry even harder). I stayed away from the toxic people in my life, and because I never hung out with girls I never felt as though I was competing with anyone. It was a jolly ol’ time.

The thing about running away from your feelings is that one day everything will catch up to you. While you continue to say “It’s fine, I’m fine” to everyone around you the truth is that everything is not fine. You have fooled yourself into believing that nothing bothers you. That is until it’s 8 pm on a random Tuesday and a tsunami of emotions wash over you. You begin to cry hysterically. Everything is out of your control.

There are a lot of days I regret not starting this blog anonymously. All my posts are so vague. I haven’t been writing much these past few months because it’s hard to write without spelling everything out. I want to drag everyone who has wronged me, but sadly I can’t.

I’ve always coped with things the same way; sad music, naps, lots of tears, and overeating. I act like a tortured lost soul who has no one in the world to turn to – woe is me. The truth of the matter is that I have a ton of really good friends who would do anything for me. Friends that are there when everything turns to shit. Friends that make me laugh when I really just want to wallow forever. So while I can complain about how I’m alone in the world, that really isn’t the case this time.

After reading piles of happiness books this year that negative attitude just feels so unnatural. I’m living my best life and some shitty things are happening to me (the guys I like friendzone me every time, some of my so-called best friends are total snakes, and I can’t find a job) but that’s life.

re·sil·ience
rəˈzilyəns/
noun
  1. 1.
    the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness.

Everything I have accomplished is thanks to this one trait. I am one resilient ass hoe. I’ll cry my big girl tears then move on 5 minutes later. I am physically incapable of holding grudges. Resilience will take you far. Never forget:“last night took an L but tonight I bounce back” 

You can’t stop shitty things from happening to you but you can change the way you interpret and respond to these events. This is an opportunity for self-discovery. Take care of yourself, keep things in perspective, and maintain a hopeful outlook.

So look at it this way: her stabbing you in the back was the wake-up call you needed to cut her from your life. Him not giving you the attention you so desperately crave is a sign that it’s time to move on.

With pain comes growth. Tomorrow is a new day, and I don’t need to turn to my negative coping mechanisms. I can write on this blog, read a new book, and drink 12 cups of green tea. I can schedule tomorrow’s cycling class, let that man go, and spend this break focusing on myself.

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