wake me up when September ends

Guess who is back back again! Truthfully, I’m disappointed in myself for only posting once this entire month. It’s insane how busy I’ve been this semester with everything. Been juggling school, non-stop meetings, working out, cooking (attempts), and enjoying my senior year to the fullest. There’s so much I want to discuss, but my head has been all over the place. I don’t want to write mediocre content but that’s better than no content, amiright?

So far this semester has been great! I rarely think about the fact that I’m graduating soon because the thought makes my heart physically ache. If you’re currently a Freshman in college enjoy your freaking youth. Clichè but it actually flies by in the blink of an eye. The closer I get to graduating and the real world the more anxiety I get. I’ve been applying to jobs online so wish me luck (I need it). Currently do not have a life plan, but I’m hoping for the best. So far I’ve only applied to jobs out of state, and the thought of moving is absurd to me. The life I currently live will cease to exist. New home, new friends, a new normal. Thankfully I have a year left to wrap my head around the idea that everything will change. Currently convincing myself that change is a good thing rather than something to fear.

When you live on your own everything is heightened. No one else’s emotions get to you, nor is anyone around to police you. It’s my fourth year of living on my own and I’ve never felt so free. Doing whatever you want is liberating, yet terrifying at the same time. It’s so easy to lose sight of who you are. While this semester has been nothing but fun I’ve never felt so lost… I used to think I had a solid grasp on who I am as a person. I was wrong. This past month, I found myself in a lot of new and uncomfortable situations. I’ve been stretched waaaaay outside of my comfort zone. However, only through experience does one learn. As I dive deeper into my twenties I continue to learn more and more about myself.

Up until today I haven’t taken the time to reflect on everything that has happened since August. Is it incredibly dramatic of me to say I’m a new person? I’m bolder than I used to be. I no longer freak out when having to talk on the phone. I converse with people in elevators. I worry less. I rarely watch television. I don’t cry as much. Past emotions no longer affect me. I drink coffee. I spend a great deal of time with my guy friends. I’m less materialistic. I take everything lightly. I’ve been making strides in the right direction while simultaneously taking 10 steps back each day. I’m trying to instill better habits into my daily routine; reading for 30 minutes, working out for 30 minutes, reciting a morning mantra, writing for 30 minutes each night. I’ll let y’all know if I stick to any of it (I’m terrible at picking up habits).

Much love,

Iman

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