my desi girl

The brown world is a beast of it’s own. Unless you were born into the culture there’s no way for you to truly relate to the day-to-day struggles. It would be nice if we had our own TV show.. maybe then it would all make sense. ABC Family WYA?! Not too long ago some of my friends were asking me about my life and it was so hard to explain basic desi concepts to them. Their responses: “You have to get married early!? You can’t date for fun?! What if you want to marry someone who isn’t muslim?! But it’s your life!


There is no such thing as your life. There’s the path your parents set out for you, and you don’t stray from it unless you want to be exiled. As a young brown girl I’m expected to excel in every field, while obeying all the family rules. I’m supposed to be the smartest girl in the room, while also being the prettiest/most put together. I’m supposed to learn home-making skills so that one day I can make my husband unda paratha for breakfast. The family reputation is on me to uphold. One must not ruin the family name. Mistakes are not to be made, as we do not make mistakes.

Oftentimes, I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders. I’m exhausted from having to please everyone all the time. Would like to run away from the shit-talking and being told what I can and can’t do. I’m still young and I want to be as free as a bird. I want to post all my innermost thoughts on this blog without worrying what others have to say. In general, I want to do things without worrying about what people think. As you can tell by my posts I’m a total people pleaser. It’s hard not to be when the phrase “logh kya kenge” is shoved down your throat from the day you popped out of the womb.

A fear of mine is that I’ll have to settle down with some mediocre dude that takes me down this typical suburban path. The path where I never reach my dreams because I got so caught up in our little bubble. The path where I give up my life to help take care of the family. While I respect everyone that does this (my mother included) my heart slightly aches when I think about what they could’ve done, especially knowing what they went to school for and how much work they put into getting their degree. We live in 2017 and it’s definitely possible to raise a family while working, but it’s not without compromise and sacrifice.

3 thoughts on “my desi girl

  1. “The brown world is a beast of it’s own.”

    Certainly true, I’ve been Muslim for 15 years, married to an Asian for much of that, most of my friends are Indian or Pakistani and still the whole UK Asian subculture baffles me half the time.


  2. Love your post and the reality of it. I am that girl who did EVERYTHING right even blindly married the man of my parents dreams. He ended being a lying cheating abusive jerk! My parents wouldn’t let me leave due to what will society say so I have lost most of my life because of fear of what society will say. My advice is do what your heart says. I believe a success of a marriage is not based on love or arranged marriage but an understanding of one another and mostly trust. Read my blog and get a taste of what I went through. I am trying to write regularly but I’m not telling people it’s tough to secretly write. I hope you read it and let me know if you like it or not. I’m planning to write my life from start to finish. Follow your heart! Venya


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