From the outside looking in I live a very posh suburban life. We cycle, eat overpriced Acài bowls, and end up at elaborate events. Everyone at these parties is dressed to a T, not a highlighted hair out of place. Oftentimes, your worth is determined by how many designer bracelets are on your wrist. If the answer is none (me) you question why people are even keeping you around at this point. As much as I enjoy my life I do believe that I live in a toxic city. Everyone is essentially competing for the title of “it girl”. You could say that I overthink everything and that it’s all in my head, but I would say that you’re wrong. There are plenty of days where I feel like I’m trapped in a bad gossip girl spin-off.
Many times people ask me if it’s a lot of pressure living the life I live. Generally I laugh and say “it’s not that serious”. That is until it’s 6 pm, I’m getting dressed to go somewhere and I feel like a loser who will never be as good as her non-loser friends. The pressure to be perfect gets to me, and I turn into the worst insecure version of myself. The other night I found myself not wanting to go to a volunteer event because I felt as though my Kurti was outdated. Why is this a problem for me? I’m volunteering. I should be worrying about collecting donations for the needy!! The “problem” is that every girl in Sugar Land is pretty. Maybe if I lived in a another town where I was the only brown girl in a 200 mile radius I would get a chance to shine, instead of ranking at the bottom of the totem poll.
Truthfully, I can’t wait to get back to my hobo college life. Moving back into my loft is like a weight off my shoulders. I can wear pajamas in public! No one is judging me! People are appreciating me because of, get this, my personality.
Advice I give myself often: Life’s too short to be so worried about your public image. The truth of the matter is that someone will always be there to talk trash about you. Haters are ya motivators ~